TwiSherry's ♥: *Recs* Mine Alone by WinndSinger

I did this rec for TwiGirlsNextDoor but I wanted to share it here, because I really loved this story. Enjoy!!!

A vampire's love is forever. But what if Bella chose to be with Jacob instead of Edward after Eclipse? Edward slowly loses his mind after losing Bella and will do anything to keep her. This has some Darkward in it and the story will get dark at times.

Yes

Anyone who read The Red Line by WinndSinger and loved it was squeeeing late in the evening on June 8th, when we received the alert that a “new story” had been posted. I clicked on the link immediately to start reading. The first words were a warning:

*Hey Guys ! This takes place after Eclipse – there is no wolf pack, Jacob is not a werewolf. Sorry. Edward is very dark in this, but there will still be glimpses of Sweetward mixed in. You've been warned. Hope u like it.*

Let me first say that I absolutely LOVED this story, or I would not be reccing it, but I feel it is my responsibility to let you know that “Edward is very dark in this” is not an understatement. This Darkward is abusive, mean, manipulative, and horrific, even to Bella, which is what makes it hard to read. We are not used to reading the dark side of Edward, if he exists. The psychological plot of the story is what made it so unique and intriguing to me, and what kept me reading even when the words were sometimes hard to envision. The essence of this story is based on a theory of what could happen if a vampire went mad, and by mad I mean, his psyche breaks and he becomes a split personality, i.e. Good Edward vs Bad Edward. Bella actually loves them both, but of course, she is scared too.

Reading the summary could make you think this is a Jacob/Bella story, but don’t be fooled. The beginning of the story nips that right in the bud, and lets us know who will be the dynamic characters.

I hate funerals. Once, a lifetime or two ago, I used to think that they were kind of peaceful, a sad but quiet time of letting go, saying goodbye, thinking of all the wonderful moments had together…but of course those were funerals of old people…Gran, who was 87 when she passed away…she had lived a full life, a good life. It was hard but I was able to let her go and smile and know she was a free spirit now, able to fly and do backflips in the clouds if she chose to…she was so frail and in pain at the end, it was almost right that she was gone and not trapped in that body anymore.

But this funeral is different. Jacob is…WAS…only 19 years old. And it's my fault he's dead.

If I hadn't pushed so hard…if I didn't confront Edward and act so tough…if I had gone with Edward when he told me to…then…I can hardly even think this…

Then…Edward wouldn't have killed Jacob.

I want to let the sobs pour out of me…I want to scream and howl and make a fool of myself in front of Billy, and all Jacob's friends and relatives…but I won't…not yet. I know Edward is watching me…waiting to see me break. If I do, he'll taunt me about it later, even mock me…before he punishes me, that is.

Edward's punishments were severe and heartbreaking, as well as physically painful. He would think for hours on how to make it hurt me in every way, not just a bruise or a cut that could heal. Edward's punishments never healed…and would never go away.

Jacob is dead and Edward killed him. We do get flashbacks to fill-in the back story. To put it very briefly, Edward and Bella were planning their wedding, but Bella breaks off the engagement when she realizes she loves Jacob. She knows she is breaking Edward’s heart and hates herself for it, but she is young and confused, as most girls her age are with their first loves. She doesn't realize the cost of this decision, but then how could she?

Edward tries to let go, but slowly his psyche breaks, a monster is born, and he loses his mind. But, he still loves her too. He becomes obsessed with having her, and eventually stops anyone who gets in the way. Even when he punishes and tortures her, he hates himself, but he can’t stop, because he wants her to be with him. He wants her to love him again, even if it is forced.

Bella struggles with her feelings, because even though Edward does such horrible things, she believes that she is to blame for his becoming this way. She still loves the good Edward, and wishes that she could somehow repair what she has broken, and make him whole again.

"I love you…Edward," I said, trying to sound true in my conviction.

He sighed hard and turned away.

"I don't believe it, Bella," he was clearly disappointed, "Again."

I shivered and closed my eyes. I had to speak to that Edward I first loved, that would sound true because it is true.

Standing up, I hurled myself into his arms and buried my face into his neck, smelling his seductive fragrance and breathing it in…for a moment I was 17 again…in his arms…untouched by pain or heartache yet. I hoped the right Edward inside him heard me this time.

"I love you Edward," my voice cried and I felt my lips open and close over the skin right below his beautiful jaw line, "I love you…"

And I'm so sorry I destroyed you…God, I am sorry…

His arms gently coiled around me, being careful not to touch my injured back too tightly. The tension left his body and I felt it as I clung onto him.

It was several minutes before I heard anything from him at all. Then I was relieved to hear the velvet voice responding.

"Bella…" he choked, "Bella, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."

Is he reading my mind? I just thought the very same thing.

"I forgive you," I felt a tear escape both my eyes at once. It's myself I can't forgive.

Good Edward makes appearances to help Bella through the worst of the torture.

"I want you to take care of me," I said truthfully, knowing this Edward was not the guilty one who'd hurt me.

I had seen this Edward from time to time. He would appear after an especially rough time with mean Edward to clean up his mess. To beg and grovel for forgiveness, although he didn't think he deserved it. And again, Edward was with me…treating my wounds as he wept without tears. He gave me some medicine for the pain and I took it without questioning him. I trusted him, as weird as that may sound...

...I played with an immortal's mind and heart…I was playing with fire. I deserve to get burned…but I never thought others I loved would pay for my sins...

"...What you did wasn't YOU," I pointed out without thinking about it, adding softly, "I know that."

He didn't move. I wanted to comfort him somehow, to make him see that I still cared for this part of him, the sick part that I was responsible for. I didn't know if I was doing something good or making it worse, but I asked in a whisper, "Sing to me?"

At this, he let out a pained breath and looked away, wondering how I could still ask this, how I could still want this from him. I didn't know either, I just knew I needed it to keep me sane. He is all I have left. I don't get this Edward back very often. I wanted to remember those sweet times…even if they were gone forever. I needed him to be tender with me…to strengthen me so I could handle the monster coming back later.

Bella formulates a plan to save her and Edward. I won’t spoil that for you. Now for the juicy stuff!

Bad Edward gives intense dark lemons:

He laid his heavy wet tongue right in the fold of skin beside my exhausted clit and let it rest there. This drove me even more insane and right away, I bucked and shrieked, not caring if I fell on my head anymore.

It may have looked to an outsider that I was struggling to get free but that was NOT what was happening here. He was just destroying me with pleasure.

I so wanted to try the usual missionary position, the way I pictured us when we'd make love for the first time. But so far we had done four different positions and I didn't think four was Edward's whole catalog.

Good Edward gives loving golden lemons:

And we began to make love…the first time…for both of us.

We were covered with sweat, hours later, Edward and I struggling to breathe as we hungrily kissed each other. We didn't want to stop kissing as his body moved against mine…it was no savage pummeling…very slow strokes…each one making him gasp and quiver as I rose my hips up, meeting his thrusts with my own, clenching my muscles inside me so tight…holding onto him as he let out a ragged breath, his eyes losing themselves in mine.

He took my bottom lip into his mouth and sucked ever so carefully, licking…opening his mouth and kissing me full on the lips, his tongue gently looking around for mine. Not intruding, not pounding down the door with fury. A gentleman seeking his lady.

His hands touched my breasts like they were the only breasts in the universe. And they kindly explored…reveling in the feel…the slope…the shape…the taste…he took his time, not knowing how much time we would be given. He was not rushed. He thoroughly made love to me, not watching the clock.

The story is not devoid of hot sex, and sometimes there is “did he just do that to her” sex. Whether the sex is wanted or not, Edward definitely knows how to make Bella orgasm...a lot! Obviously I would not in real life condone what happens in this story, so I don’t want anyone thinking that I think kidnapping someone, even if you are crazy in love with them, is ok. I don’t think that if you are held against your will by the hottest man on the planet, who gives you mind-blowing orgasms, means that you should then marry him and live happily ever after. *Sidenote: Although sometimes that is a dream of mine.*

But if you love the characters of Edward and Bella and believe their love can conquer anything, even mental breakdowns and torture, then this is definitely the story for you. If you are intrigued by the question: What happens when you can’t have the one you love and she’s the only one you can love, while exploring the hero’s split personality of good and evil; the damsel’s fight for freedom and forgiveness, while still loving the man she fears; all wrapped up in mystery, murder, torture, sex, love, forgiveness, death, deceit, and peace?...then don’t pass this story by.

I won’t deny that very early on I figured out how the story was going to have to end, but I hoped as I read each chapter that I was wrong. I was half right. I applaud WinndSinger’s courage not to take the easy road at the end of the story. I feel she gave the reader and the characters, justice and peace, love and forgiveness, in a surprisingly beautiful way. I would love to quote one of my favorite lines, but it would give it away too much.

If you are still reading this review, because yes I know I‘m wordy, then I’d say you are intrigued enough to start reading. I promise it won’t disappoint. I really enjoyed this story. If you start it, I implore you to stick with it, the ending is worth the dark journey.