So, recently I was given the exquiste honor to do a guest rec on The Fictionators for one of my favorite stories How to Save a Life.  I thought since this is supposed to be my rec's page I should post it here too.  This story just updated today and let me tell you, Unholy_Obsession is just brilliant to me.  This latest update was hard and it hurt, but I have to say that she deals with the toughest issues with such class and style, and I love her the more for it.  Without delaying any further, let me give you my review of How to Save a Life.

Story Summary:

Bella, Edward, Alice & crew. What's going on with Bella's new best friend's older brother, Edward? What exactly happened in his past that has turned the former golden boy into a shadow of himself?

When I first thought about how to rec How To Save A Life, I really just wanted to put – "Don’t waste your time reading this, go read the story right the fuck NOW!!" But, then I realized that would be doing this wonderful story a disservice. I need to express why I love it so much. It has quickly become my "stop whatever I’m doing because HTSAL just updated" story. I would tend to believe that you can tell from the mere title that there will be angst. I mean really, “How to Save a Life”, that has to mean someone’s on the brink of something terrible and someone is going to save them. So, going into the story, I expected it. I’ve never thought of myself as someone loving angst, but I’m learning quickly while surrounded by my non-angst loving friends, that I guess I do. But, I have to say, that angst for the sake of angst does not appeal to me, angst that is relative and necessary for character growth, plot movement, and has a satisfying ending, I’m standing behind that. Unholy_obsession knows how to tell a story so that you feel like you are right there experiencing everything with the characters.


The summary on Twilighted sets the stage for the journey – “When Bella Swan starts Junior year at Forks High School, she is grateful, yet puzzled, when the exuberant and popular Alice Cullen instantly befriends her. But soon, Bella discovers this high school harbors some dark ghosts of the past-- none of them more evident than Alice's sullen, rude and stoned brother... and Bella's lab partner, Edward. As Bella learns more about the tragic circumstances that rocked Edward's world less than one year ago, the more determined she becomes to save him and restore him to the person he used to be. The only question is, does Edward have enough left inside to want to save himself?"


I’m sure everyone’s heard the expression “a picture tells a thousand words”, and I earnestly believe that unholy_obsession’s words paint an enticing picture that captures you and drops you right in the midst of her characters lives, leaving you caring so deeply for them, that even when there may be something hard to get through or you don’t understand their actions, you can’t help but stay committed to seeing if indeed the life can be saved. There is wisdom of elders in her characters as well as the naivety of teens that keeps you completely enthralled.


Edward’s introduction to Bella is rather harsh, he’s rude, high, and tells his sister to “Fuck off”, but Bella is still drawn to him in the innate way that any Edward/Bella fan knows is always there. Here is the reaction to their first meeting:

“I glanced down, and realized at some point my hand had ended up pressed against my heart, which was still pounding in protest against my chest. I felt like I was having trouble breathing, as if the atmospheric pressure in the room had suddenly dropped, as if a thunderstorm had passed through and left cooler temperature along with broken branches in its wake. The music was still pounding around us, but now it seemed entirely incongruent, as if its cheery beat had no business in this place.

Alice finally looked up again, her eyes glistening with unshed tears of maybe sadness or anger or embarrassment. Maybe all three. "So yeah," she finally stated in a shaky whisper. "That's my brother. He has some...problems right now."

I looked through the doorway he had just passed through, as if indeed I could still feel his presence hovering around us, making us rigid, bringing us down. Problems. Yeah. I'd say so.”

Bella quickly realizes that the Edward she met is not who he used to be and so a mystery of what tragic event set Edward on a course of destruction ensues. When she sees a picture of Edward from the year before it further draws her into the familiar role of savior, albeit not one she searches for, but just finds her.

"Although, to say I recognized the face would be an incredible stretch, being that it looked so entirely different from the one I had glimpsed yesterday afternoon. His face was different, everything was different. His posture was casual and relaxed, and seemed to hold none of the tension that had hung around him at his house the day before. He looked a lot younger too, as if he had aged about three years in one. Maybe this was partially attributed to the fact that he was clean-shaven and his hair was close-cropped in this picture. Edward of last year looked much less...unkempt. He had an arm slung casually around the big, dark-haired guy standing next to him. His eyes were nearly closed, they were so scrunched up with laughter. Laughter. His mouth was open with it, full of it, as if the picture had been snapped mid-guffaw. I caught sight of my own reflection in the mirror again, and was startled to realize I was smiling with him. He just looked so damn happy and it was such a stark contrast to the image I had seen yesterday, that it made me smile. Even though somewhere in my chest, a slight pain constricted around my heart."

And so begins the journey to find out if this Edward still exists. Fate plays a small role providing Bella as Edward’s partner in Biology, so they have a certain amount of forced interaction, which serves as a foundation to build on and they do. Edward is very intrigued by Bella, because she doesn’t really take his bullshit. Sometimes she even gives it back to him. While most everyone else walks on eggshells around him, wondering when their old friend or loved one will return, Bella has no expectations. And this proves to be a breath of fresh air for Edward, one that he breathes in often, once he realizes how refreshing she can be.


One moment of realization that hit me hard was an early conversation Bella and Edward had about Wuthering Heights. I believe that unholy_obsession paralleled these two stories in a remarkable way when Bella is hit with the harsh realization that it’s very possible that fiction may be too close to reality.

I began gesturing with my hands, feeling desperate for him to understand that this was not a conclusion I arrived at lightly. That I was not simple. "It is harsh. It's harsh for Heathcliff and it's harsh for anyone reading the book. No one wants to conclude that about Heathcliff, everyone wants to conclude the opposite. But he doesn't ever let us. He never progresses, he never lets go, he never makes peace with his issues." I smacked my palm down on the table. "And that is tragic. Because no one wants to see that that's who he really is. No one wants to admit that these are not just misguided actions that aren't in keeping with the real Heathcliff, who may have a heart of gold. No one wants to acknowledge that there is no longer any trace of the good or innocent and that these aren't just actions but who he has really become."

Suddenly I sat up ramrod straight, my mouth falling open. I felt sick to my stomach as Alice's words from last week filtered back into my head.

"It was all so gradual...you watch someone behave a certain way and think it's just that, a behavior...when do you start realizing it's not, that it's an actual pattern, and it's not someone acting a certain way, but it's someone, some thing, that they've actually become?"

I don’t want to steer you wrong, there is a lot of back and forth as Bella penetrates the wall Edward has built, one inch at a time. Both of them struggle with their feelings for each other that they cannot deny, but the actions that keep them wondering if they can or even deserve to really be something they cannot define. Bella is very strong in this story, but has her own issues to deal with later on. This story delves into depression, drugs, guilt, pain, loss, and anger, but in my opinion, first and foremost this story exemplifies how human connection is really what gets us through the darkest times in our lives.


So, while this story is not about the lemons (although let me just tell you, I have a sneaking suspicion that when we do get one it’s going to be GOOD), moments like this make the struggled journey worth every dip in your heart you’ve experienced.

"The kiss exploded at that point, our mouths demanding as we sought each other out entirely, as I fought to consume him in the way that I had wanted to for so long. We pressed our mouths together and our bodies together and clung to each other desperately, fighting to get closer still, our tongues twisting together in a manner both rough and soft at the same time. At the feeling of Edward's body against mine, at the thrill of him inside my mouth, a fire of white hot longing raced through my entire body, fueled on by something I had never felt before. I pulled him even closer to me, pressing as hard as I could against his car and demanding that he press against me in the same way.

He pulled back to gasp for air, his breath again trembling in the night sky. He closed his eyes again at once, returning to me as quickly as possible, begging me to let him back inside. As he reached for me again, I felt his hand still shaking, trembling almost uncontrollably as he sought to hold onto me."

AND


"I had never felt a guy hard against me before. I had never felt him hard, against me, right there. My heart hammered against my breastbone, breathing escaped me entirely. I couldn't help myself, my hips moved on their own accord, pushing off of the machine that pulsed behind me, pressed back against his, my body making new, direct, more persistent contact with his.

Edward made a noise in my ear, somewhere between a gasp and a groan, as his body answered mine. "Bella..." he mumbled in my ear. He moved his hips one more time, rubbing against me. I clenched my eyes shut at the heightening of every sensation that I was already feeling."

AND

And so when I realized that Edward's frozen fingers were fumbling to push the button through the hole on the top of my pants, without hesitation, without asking, I did not stop him. He had to know at this point that he did not need to ask. My heart started fluttering unnaturally at this gesture, at the muted ragged sound of my zipper being inched down. It wasn't a bad sensation. I was nervous in a way that I couldn't articulate, but I wasn't scared. The increase in my heart rate and the tightening in my stomach at the realization of the fact that Edward was unzipping my pants seemed nothing but...wanted...in the moment.

This story is not complete yet, but I truly believe that when all is said and done, we will find that it is truly possible for one human to save another human, not from some physical near death experience, but actually from oneself, and this is why I am totally in love with How to Save a Life by Unholy_obsession.